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Haiti: Martelly Subscribes to Groupon for Daily Deals On Military Equipment

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti – As Haiti prepares to remobilize its disbanded army, sources confirmed that President Michel Martelly has joined the popular coupon website Groupon for daily deals on military gear.

“Restoring the nation’s armed forces is not going to be an easy and cheap task,” Minister of National Defense Thierry Mayard-Paul told reporters. “Therefore, the president is actively exploring ways, including this new subscription, to minimize the costs associated with reinstating the army.”

According to Mayard-Paul, Martelly first became aware of Groupon when he received a solicitation email from the deal-of-the-day website. The company’s claim that it can save its members up to 90% on various goods, Mayard-Paul said, appealed greatly to the president.

“We’ve been racking our brains for months trying to figure out how to pay for the new army’s supplies,” said Mayard-Paul noting that a military tank alone costs at least $3 million. “This may very well be the solution we’ve been searching for.”

As a Groupon member, Martelly reportedly plans to save the nation thousands of dollars on a variety of military items, helmets, uniforms, firearms, armored vehicles, tanks, helicopters, missiles and other accessories. The substantial savings will allow the administration to revive the military without cutting other government programs.

“There’s a growing number of citizens who are worried about the costs of maintaining the army,” Mayard-Paul said. “We’re confident this news will lower their concerns.”

When reminded that a certain number of subscribers must commit to an offer before the deal becomes available on the website, Mayard-Paul said Martelly is well aware of the policy.

“As a matter of fact, the president has already contacted [Guatemala] President Colom, [Honduras] President Sosa, [Venezuela] President Chávez among others,” said Mayard-Paul. “We’re certain they’ll be eager to join us and take advantage of these amazing discounts.”

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